As, at last, we approach the wonderful unveiling of springtime we are also at the threshold of stage two of negotiations with those peculiar personalities who somehow found their way to become the great and good of the European Commission...

In anticipation of this phase, it has been interesting to watch Monsieur Michel Barnier gradually morph into the character of Peter Sellers’ Inspector Clouseau (‘if you foolish leavers really want a transition and access for the City of London, take note that zeze hands are deadly weepons’) with a touch of ‘Alo ‘Alo thrown in (‘listen very carefully, ze cluck is chicken’). Yes, it’s Pantomime time, with M Barnier as the Frenchified villain gleefully torturing the fragmented court of the English Princess and her equally confused opposition. As with the troika’s treatment of the Greeks in 2004, he and his strange boss, who it is alleged can only be breathalised before breakfast under the terms of the Treaty of Rome, will be finding a thousand different ways to say ‘non, non, non’ to every incomprehensible proposal laid before them by the ever confused British emissary. It should be a great laugh - after all it’s only our future wellbeing at stake.

Worry not, we only have to invite them all here for a slap up dinner together in The Bell in October and the mist will clear during lock-in time to reveal the happy ending and all concerned living happily ever after.  A grand celebration feast of chlorinated chicken in maze syrup will then be laid on at The Bell in the form of the Prime Minister entertaining the President of The United States of America in recognition of Great Britain becoming the 51st state of his beloved country. You can bet your star spangled spanner on that. The Parish Council will have to find the necessary lands for the village baseball ground and automatic weapons testing, and organise an annual military parade through the streets with the last few rusting tanks that we possess.

On a sad note, the Parish Register shows the death of Colin Clements at the age of 60. Colin was our village milkman for many years and was very active in raising funds for cancer research when his wife Cassie was afflicted in 2013-14. The Register also records the death of The Rev'd Canon Roy Taylor who frequently helped the parish during past interregnums.

A reader kindly pointed out that in the February editorial there was a confusion of Harolds (a new collective noun?). If Harald Hardrada was at Hastings, it seems he was fighting with the angels as he had been killed earlier at Stamford Bridge by an arrow in the neck. The man with the arrow in his eye was Harold Godwinson. Hence your editor has got it in the neck. Interestingly, it was Godwinson’s brother who invited Hardrada to attack GB.

Nick Kendal